Oh What a Nice Little Devil Your Child Is!

The Chinese language is confusing. Like any language very different from one's native tongue, a person who has never studied Chinese might be tempted to say Chinese words "all sound the same." But to a native English speaker there is a glimmer of truth in that--Chinese has only 400 different sounds (monosyllables). By comparison, English has 8,000, a full twenty times as many. That means a whole lot of Chinese words have the same sounds, but they are distinguished by the four tones in Chinese (high and level, rising, falling and rising, and sharply falling). This is pretty interesting for the linguist or dedicated learner but a small nightmare for the absolute beginner trying to learn Chinese pronunciation. How important are tones? A few examples of words with the same sounds that are differentiated only by tone (the marks above the letters show the tone):

小姐 xiǎojie - miss/young woman/prostitute (in northern China)

vs.

小节 xiǎojié - (in music) one measure
vs.
小结 xiǎojié - summary

打算 dǎsuàn - plan/to plan
vs.
大蒜 dàsuàn - garlic

上海 Shànghǎi - Shanghai (the city)
vs.
伤害 shānghài - to injure

公里 gōnglǐ - kilometer
vs.
巩俐 gǒnglì - Gong Li (the actress)

眼睛 yǎnjīng - eyes
vs.
眼镜 yǎnjìng - eyeglasses
vs.
燕京 yànjīng - Yanjing (city name)

贵子 guìzi - precious (such as a child)
vs.
鬼子 guǐzi - devil (such as a child)

要是 yàoshì - if
vs.
钥匙 yàoshi - (door) key

杯子 bēizi - (drinking) glass
vs.
被子 bèizi - quilt
vs.
辈子 bèizi - a whole lifetime

病人 bìngrén - patient
vs.
兵人 bīngrén - soldier

You'll notice that this is not a problem in written Chinese because the characters for these words are completely different (though getting the thousands of different characters mixed up is another story). To my surprise I haven't seen too many funny or embarrassing misunderstandings, although being simply misunderstood is par for the course. Once a student asked me if the food her and her classmates had just gone through the trouble of cooking for me and Andrew was delicious and I said "no," to her surprise and her classmates' amusement. When she said xiāng (delicious) I heard xiǎng (would like) and thought she was asking if I wanted any more. I read a story about a foreigner asking for a banana (xiāngjiāo) cake in a supermarket and getting a bizarre look because he had accidentally asked for a rubber (xiàngjiāo) cake.

But one of the better stories I can remember about confusing tones came not from China but from a friend named Jenny in Thailand, where the language is also tonal. Whenever she referred to Thai boxing, known as muay thai, it would get a great reaction from the class. It's not always easy keeping the students' interest so she would refer to muay thai as often as possible in class, only to learn later that the way she was pronouncing it she was not talking about Thai boxing at all, but rather Thai pubic hair.

Any other stories/easily confused Chinese words out there?